forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
