what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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