Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
