i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
