btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
