clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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