So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We're too hungover to prance.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
