I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
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