Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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