why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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