but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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