Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
