Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
how does that bad decision feel?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
