So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
