OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
