You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
