Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
