Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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