dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Randomize
