There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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