woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I need to sanitize my soul.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
