He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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