How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
