Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
