every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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