Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
