I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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