When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
