im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
