Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
