my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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