and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
