She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
