I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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