dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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