Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
