the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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