ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
