Where are you?
In a non slutty way
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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