In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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