i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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