Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
