She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
