once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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