My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
