I faked an abortion last night.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
we made out on top of his cat.
Do vagina's smell?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
