Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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