she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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