Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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