strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
