Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
