i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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