Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
