does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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