my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
