my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
