How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
