We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
