we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
