I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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