My friends, they love my intelligence
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
