I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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