No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
