Umm I'm too high to move.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You need a sexual gate keeper
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
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