She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It's never too late to be topless.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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