it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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