I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
