Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
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I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
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Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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