Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
