There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
